Cat Dwarfery
by IronicLemonade
Summary: A series of fluffy bade dialogue fics. Short and sweet - but hey! A little bade fluff never hurt anyone!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! Hope you enjoy the following pointlessness! (Longer AN at the end)**

**Disclaimer: I didn't get VicTORIous for Christmas, so no, I do not own the show or characters.**

"Why do we have to get a cat?"

"Because, cats are cute!"

"No they aren't - they're annoying."

"How would you know? You've never even been near a cat!"

"Exactly. And I'm not planning on starting now. Besides, the only cat I know is way too peppy, gullible, overly optimistic, kind of stupid and has synthetically dyed red hair."

"That's not a cat, that's Cat!"

"So?"

"_Cat_ is a human being."

"As far as we know."

"_Jade._"

"Whatever, sorry! Anyway even if she is a human –"

"I can assure you that she is."

"It's rude to interrupt Beckett."

"…"

"_Anyway,_ even if she is a human, she's a seriously messed up one."

"Did I ever tell you that you are a sweet person who is so kind to everyone?"

"No."

"Good."

"Come on. Let's just get a stupid cat already."

"Okay. What do you think about this one?"

"It's disgusting."

"Why is it disgusting?"

"Because it's all furry and gross."

"…"

"Don't sigh at me!"

"Okay, fine. What do you think about this one?"

"It's really small."

"Yeah, it says here that it's a 'dwarf cat'."

"Meaning?"

"It hasn't grown since it was a kitten."

"Oh. Why is there another one?"

"That's her son."

"But he's, like, three times the size of her."

"Well observed."

"Stop being sarcastic, you know I own that."

"Okay, okay…"

"You never told me why he's really big compared to her."

*sigh* "Because she's a dwarf cat."

"Really?"

"When I talk, what exactly do you hear?"

"Mostly just noises that I ignore."

"That explains so much."

"…"

"…"

"If she's a dwarf cat, then why is he not one too?"

"I don't know. Should he?"

"Well, I'm just saying, cat dwarfery seems like the kind of thing that would be passed down through families."

"You make a good point. I never thought of that."

"That's because you're incapable of thinking."

"…Ignoring that. She's kind of cute, isn't she?"

"You better be talking about the cat and not the blonde bimbo outside."

"Yes, I'm talking about the cat."

"…Good. And yeah…she is kinda cute…"

"Should we get her?"

"If we get her, then we should get the other one as well."

"Why?"

"Because they're family. We can't break a family up."

"You're right."

"When will you learn that I'm always right?"

"…"

"…"

"It's really sweet of you to not want to break up a cat family like that."

"Whatever, don't tell anybody."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

**Right, longer AN now.**

**First off, I'm not dead! ****Sorry for lack of updating, but I'm working on 2 or 3 new stories that I hope you'll like.**

**Second, the above was a result of complete and utter boredom so I'm sorry if it sucks. Fun fact: their conversation was based off one that I had with my weird friend, about her dwarf cat... Yeah, so I lied - the fact wasn't fun. Sue me.**

**Third, YAY! Bade is back! The only thing that annoyed me about the episode, 'Tori fixes Beck and Jade', was that the only thing that Tori actually did was pay some guy to ask Jade out and set Beck up with another girl. In what way did she, like the title suggests, FIX Beck and Jade? It just irritates me because Tori's character bugs me (Big fan of Victoria Justice, though). If anything, Jade's song fixed Beck and Jade, whilst Tori simply made small talk with Andre about how to humiliate Jade! **

**Rant over. **

**I'm super happy about the bade reunion though!**

**Fourth, thanks to all of you who let me know who your favourite VicTORIous minor character was - it helped a lot! Moose got the most votes so he will be featured in the story.**

**Fifth, Dan Schneider is a freakin' genius! Robbie Sells Rex was hilarious! Glad that they used Cat's slap update for a change (again - I don't like Tori). **

**Sixth (man, this is a long list), It sucks that VicTORIous is ending but people need to stop getting so angry about it. You don't want to put all that hate out in the universe (One million cool points if you just caught my F.R.I.E.N.D.S reference). Sure, it's upsetting but we'll always have reruns! And who else is psyched for Sam and Cat? I know I am - those two remind me of how me and my vicious but loveable best friend act together. **

**Seventh, I hope everyone had a wonderful time off school, and had a brilliant Christmas, Hannukah etc., if you celebrate them.**

**Eighth (I'm almost done, I swear!), My bestest friend ever since we were four and she mocked my slightly Australian accent, has joined the world of fanfiction so if you're interested check out her story! Her pen name is LittleMissMexox.**

**Ninth, there's no real point for number nine - I just wanted to tell you the good news that my list of stuff I wanted to say has drawn to a close. You probably didn't read it anyway, but if you did, I appreciate it!**

**Reviews make me happy!**

**~Char xox**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone! So, I had written this a long time ago when I was bored and wasn't sure if I would publish it or not. It isn't really related to the last chapter, but I've put it in the same story because it's the same format. This story will probably just be a series of random bade one-shots, in dialogue format, which I'll update when I'm bored.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own VicTORIous.**

"Jade?"

"…"

"I'm bored."

"Good for you."

"Will you hang out with me?"

"No."

"Then what am I gonna do?"

"Shave your cat."

"I don't have a cat."

"Then buy a cat."

"I don't wanna buy a cat."

"Then shave Cat."

"What? No!"

"…"

"Jadey?"

"What do you want, Becky?"

"Okay point taken."

"Good. Now seriously, what do you want?"

"…"

"What is it?"

"I love you."

"Whatever, loser."

"Y'know, the polite response is 'I love you too'."

"If I had been polite my whole life, I would be nowhere."

"…That's actually very true."

"I know."

"…"

"I guess… I love you too…"

"Yay!"

"You are such a girl."

**So I hope you enjoyed that random one-shot of randomness! The new story I'm working on will be first up – hopefully – by the start of summer. It's a lot different than anything I've written before – a lot more serious anyway, so I hope that you guys will take a look at it when it's up.**

**By the way, I promise that the other one-shot I've written will be up by next Saturday (2****nd**** March). If it isn't – feel free to bug me via PMs, reviews etc.**

**~Char xox**


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